Making the Most of the Holiday Season

 The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for many of us, they can also stir up pain, loneliness, and a sense of obligation to show up for people or situations that don’t feel genuine.

For a long time, I pushed for celebrations because I believed they were important. I grew up in a home where, no matter how difficult life got, my father made sure we had happiness during the holidays. Those moments were sacred. They were the few times when things felt safe and warm.

The person I was with used to say he didn’t like to celebrate holidays. I think deep down he might have enjoyed them in his own quiet way, but I’ll probably never know for sure. When someone spends years pretending to be someone they’re not, it’s hard to separate truth from performance. I thought maybe I could bring joy back into his world, that love and effort could heal what was broken. But now I see I was trying to give something to someone who didn’t want it or couldn’t receive it.

This year feels different. Painfully different, but also strangely freeing. I’m no longer forcing a holiday on someone who resented it. And while that comes with sadness and grief, it also brings relief. Maybe they’re happy not to have to pretend, and I’m learning to be okay with that too.

There are moments when the grief hits hard. The tears still come, more than I thought possible. I’m mourning not just the person I loved, but the illusion of who I thought they were. The truth is, the person I believed in doesn’t exist anymore, and that’s a hard reality to face.

If you’re reading this and going through something similar, please know you’re not alone. The holidays can magnify loss, but they can also remind us that healing is possible. Let your emotions move through you like water in a river, steady and flowing. Some days will hurt more than others, but that pain means you’re alive and growing.

I’m learning to fill my time with things that keep me grounded, like work, homework, and small goals. Today, I got on my mountain bike again after being afraid for so long. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something. Each small step forward counts.

I still miss the person I thought I was with, but I’m realizing I don’t need them. What I need is peace, truth, and room to become who I am without pretending everything’s fine.

If this season feels hard for you too, let yourself rest. Cry. Breathe. Let go of the old traditions that don’t fit anymore and make space for new memories, even small ones. Hope is still here. You just have to allow the light to reach you through the cracks.