Sometimes relationships seem solid because there's no fighting, everything looks calm, and there's a sense of stability. Beneath the surface, affection, intimacy, or honesty may be missing. So I ask you, How do we reconcile the illusion of a relationship with the reality of what it truly was? Let's explore the illusion; shall we?
Have you lived around turmoil for the majority of your relationships? Was there abuse/neglect of some kind part of your childhood experience? If that's the case (trust me; you're not alone here), the lack of arguments and conflict doesn't equal emotional closeness. Your partner may even give you sound advice about personal issues, share "something they've never told anyone before"...breadcrumbs...just to keep you "hooked".
The affection, presence , and emotional investment into the relationship are the elements that sustain a relationship. In most failed relationships, that investment is unbalanced. There is no "I" in team! When those elements fade, or weren't really there to begin with, it can leave a deep emptiness. Many people feel like the relationship was a lie, but the love and effort that was given by that one partner was real.
Once the illusion breaks, it doesn't mean the relationship was meaningless. There were important lessons to be learned within the pain. Growth is uncomfortable, but necessary. Braking illusion makes space for building healthier, more authentic connections in the future.
What's most important to to show yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the time and emotional investment that you've always given to others. It feels uncomfortable, but that's CHANGE! That's GROWTH! That's loving yourself. This too shall pass! Allow the healing to begin!
Have you overcome a hurtful episode in your life? If you care to share some encouragement, drop a line in the comments! I believe in sharing what works!
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