⸻ I Are Babboon

Today I installed a new motor in my bathroom fan, and I loved every second of it. There’s something deeply satisfying about fixing something with your own two hands and seeing it come back to life. For so long I looked to others for validation, waiting for someone to notice what I did or tell me I was doing a good job. That recognition never came, but today I felt it for myself — genuine pride, all my own.

It’s strange how much of ourselves we can lose in abusive relationships. Abuse doesn’t always come with yelling or bruises. Sometimes it hides behind silence, withheld affection, secrets, and manipulation disguised as vulnerability. It can come from anyone — partners, family, or friends — people who twist love into control while pretending to be victims. I’ve been there, and it’s painful to realize someone you cared for deeply was never who they pretended to be.

But I’ve stopped beating myself up for being kind, for loving with an open heart. Instead, I’m choosing awareness and release, not bitterness. I see now that the people who live behind lies and excuses are trapped in their own walls, and I don’t ever want to live that way again. Now it’s just me, no pretense or performance — and it’s peaceful. I don’t need applause to feel proud anymore.

Maybe that’s what healing really looks like: finding joy in the small wins, fixing what’s broken, and realizing that you can build a new version of yourself too. I Are Baboon might sound silly, but to me it means I’m smart in my own way — capable, resourceful, and learning to trust myself again. And if you’ve been through it too, know this: there’s hope. You can rebuild. You can feel joy again, even in the quiet moments when something finally starts working — inside you and around you.